I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
