Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
