She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize