I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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