Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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