dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
