Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
