Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
