it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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