Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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