We won't sleep together?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
