watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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