I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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