I'm passing your future prison.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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