Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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