You smell like stripper and shame
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I need water and some morals
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
