I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
