dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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