so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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