i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
