I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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