so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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