I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
