dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
