I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
