how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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