Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize