If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
