i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
