i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The beer is more important than you right now.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
