I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
