That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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