i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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