He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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