I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
