the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
