I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
