your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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