i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
