I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
