He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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