Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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