so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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