Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
