Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize