who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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