I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
