all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
