My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
