I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
