i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
