This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize