i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
