Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
