If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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