I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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