so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
