nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
