who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
