put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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