Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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