Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
