Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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