if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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