they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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