I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
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