I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
