I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Oh god it's open bar.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
