yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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