The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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