A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
