just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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