my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That accounts for only three of the penises
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
