then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
