why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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