I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize